I find myself post-change, once again. I am sitting at the desk of a new job, a better job than the one before by more comparisons than I can reasonably fathom.
As I sit here, knowing that I am not wasting anyone's time, I am not doing anything 'wrong' in blogging while at work, while 'on the company's dime'... I remember how fortunate I am. This blogging today is positively sanctioned.
That's right. My bosses have told me that they do not care (so long as it's legal) what I do in my spare time while in the office - be that blogging, surfing Twitter or even picking my nose.
As long as I continue to deliver to them the service and results they have come to appreciate in such a short time, I am a free agent in my free time.
So, here I sit, basking in the sheer joy of not only not working where I was previously employed, but in the utter thrill of, in a way, getting paid to write.
It's not technically the case (and I understand that I am taking liberties with semantics here) but it is true.
Gone is the guilt of feeling the desperate need to write but not being comfortable in doing so while unemployed or during time off of work because there are other things that could, that should be done.
Grown up things. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming... All of the things that an adult has to do to function and fit in 'normal' society.
While I wasn't working, there was also a tremendous sense of guilt over writing... It took away time to be looking for work... It was a was a pleasure I struggle with feeling I deserve, of which I am worthy. (As we know, feelings of worthiness and 'Good Enough' are a common and long-running theme in my life.)
Now, however, I feel... not quite 'worthy'... but I do certainly feel 'worthier'. This is a massive improvement in my life.
Now, I just need to find the time when at home to actually write... or figure out how to lug the various parts of my novel to work.
We're gonna need a bigger bag!
(Also, I'm searching for decent writing prompts to use here on my blog as motivation to actually write, so if you have or know of any, please shout!)