A continuing story of self-discovery, growth and re-evaluation...
Saturday, 5 June 2010
SATURDAY, 5 JUNE 2010
Where do we go from here?
With a new blog comes a plethora of issues, concerns, considerations.
Do I add personal photos? Photos of any children I might have?
How much personal detail do I give?
And then there are "easier" yet more complex questions: will there be a theme? Will this blog contain superficial information or deeper, more personal thoughts, comments, observations?
Knitting, crocheting, considering Vegetarianism/Veganism, baking.. they're all easy things, things to discuss, to observe, even.
It's a whole other kettle of fish to discuss issues at work, post pictures containing the faces of the people I love, talk about holidays, when my family will be absent from it's home and it's protection.
The reason I am asking you, myself, the universe is because I've been doing a LOT of things this week and most of it has focused on work. I've been flipping back and forth about whether it is suitable for the blog that -I- want. I'm still not sure so I decided to err on the side of posterity.... here goes!
- On Tuesday I handed in my "notice" to leave the company in four-week's time. -
This wasn't a decision I made lightly, as I hope you understand, it's because of numerous factors, facts and emotions.
I've worked this job since early August of 2009 and I've literally been working my rear-end off (lost two dress sizes!) for the company and for myself. I've had immense satisfaction in the work I've done.
It's a "simple retail job" but I've been able to have my hand in almost every aspect of it thus far (as I tend to do and thoroughly enjoy). I've worked on the tills, with security, cash office, compliance, stocking shelves, ordering stock, you name it (but, I haven't done everything). I've really enjoyed working there.
So, why am I packing it all in, you ask?
Appreciation or, more accurately; Remuneration.
As I mentioned; I've been working with this company since August 2009 and I started as an "Operations Assistant" which wasn't what I expected as a job at all.
I had ideas of something simple, mind-easy, unchallenging... It's almost the complete opposite of that. A fact I am glad of with the benefit of hindsight.
Starting in early December, however, my role changed... I was now to take on a lot of the responsibilities of my boss who was leaving. This would not immediately result in a pay raise but come February time it should lead to the official company training that would result in more pay.
Things being what they are (most of those "things" are company policies and the individual's expectation of same) I wasn't able to enter the official training. I hadn't been with the company long enough and needed some foundation training first, something they had just introduced as a requirement.
My boss(es) then used an opportunity to get me into the department that would provide me the foundation training I needed and I was assured that everyone involved would be of the understanding that I needed to complete this training in good time to allow me to partake in the next sessions of the pay-raise-inducing training.
For reasons as of yet still unknown to me; while -I- have started the training myself, the person who is supposed to help me train has offered me no support. I don't know if this is because there has been a lack of communication to them about the importance of the time-frame or if that person contains a lack of willingness to help me. To be honest I'm not all that pleased either way.
While I might not like the situation; I have made moves to change it and I also have to take responsibility for it.
I made it.
I went above and beyond. I proved to be trustworthy and reliable. I became someone that they could depend on and not -have- to pay any more money for all of those traits. I was willing to do it just for the sake of a mix of my own work ethic and a little dash of ass-kissing. Yes, I am one of "those". I prefer to call it "people-pleasing" but when seen in slightly less rosy-coloured circumstances it can be considered the aforementioned "-kissing" so I'll be blunt.
As with any relationship where one party takes advantage of another I have to assume the responsibility of allowing it to happen. I -chose- to work harder/more/longer without compensation, just the verbal promise thereof. It had been enough for me and who can really blame the company who takes advantage of that fact? Here I am willing to do the work of someone who gets paid (an unknown amount) more than I do and doesn't cost as much. Surely that's a win for the company!
Fair play. You've had your fun. I'm out.
I half-heartedly looked elsewhere recently but found that I'm literally too drained by my current role to do much searching and the things that I am searching for involve first interviewing with agencies and then taking tests for them before interviewing with potential employers... all of that takes time and I can't fit that all in in one day every other week, I'm afraid, so my attempts to free myself and enter something else to help pay the bills haven't been successful thus far... All it's done is frustrate me more. Highlight the need to get out. The need to do something different. The need to change my situation.
I will honestly miss the people I work with (but let's face it.... I have a lot of them as friends on the Big FB and I only live down the street so it's my local branch of that particular retailer so I -will- see most of them again) but it's time I thought about me.
I need to be in a situation that is able to recognise who and what I am. Are there any small countries somewhere that need a leader?
[I'm not, by nature, a prideful person but I have my moments and one of the first of these was when my first London Boss told me I should be off running my own small country somewhere rather than working for him (I was temping!) and then told me to get in a temp to cover -me- while I disappeared on holidays but they wanted me back (another job that morphed well beyond my original job description because I can't help helping). I have to admit that that was the best. job. ever. but it can never be replicated. Those people (now mostly moved on. That building (now torn down). Only the great Doctor and his magic Police Box would be able to get it back. It was simply a -fantastic- place to be and I'm glad I got to be a part of it.]
Accepting that I will never have that situation again I am now set to move forward and find something at least comparable to what once was. A place/situation where I can help call my own shots. Where I've got the power and support to do what -I- feel is necessary or best for the business (either a company or even the business of myself) because I'm trusted/respected/understood.
I don't know where that will lead but I have to see. I have to allow myself to be unemployed for a while while I find what's right for me... Is it baking and selling vegan-friendly goodies? Is it temping in secretarial/admin positions where I can take weeks off at a time if I want? Is it looking for work with that special company that I can support and respect and that respects and supports me back?
My last day at work is the 29th of June and after a week and a half in July I'm "fully-booked" until a bit into August so it will be then that the hunt really commences.
All that time without a paycheque!??!
Mr B and I are in a time in our lives where it's possible, it's doable (and even reasonably comfortably so) so we've decided that I should take the chance.
And what is this blog but A Journey of Chances...?
(perhaps I -am- supposed to blog about these things, too!)