10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me...

As it's been a while, I thought I'd ease myself back into blogging regularly(ish) with something simple... One of those ubiquitous, annoying "10 Things..." lists.

Bugger off. It's my blog and I can do what I want to, so there!

Potters, Hopton-On-Sea August 2017

Here goes!

10 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me:

1. I absolutely loathe photos of me. The above photo was taken by my lovely Sister-In-Law at her insistence. I understand her reasoning, hence why I stood for the photo(s! She took more than one!). Hopefully, someday I'll be able to look back on photos of myself and be OK with them. (Let's see if I can leave that photo there and not chicken out and take it down before this post goes live!)

2. I struggle with the concept of Good Enough. This has been an on-going theme throughout my life and I have actually had some very good, very expensive therapy regarding it. Throughout my life, I have felt that I am a disappointment to others, to myself. It's coupled with a strong sense of Perfectionism/Fear of Failure that means I hold myself to a far higher standard than I hold others and means that I am often overly, and even damagingly, self-critical. I have a fear of starting things, projects, because of this fear of failure - because if I don't start then I can't fail, right?! I frequently need to remind myself that I am good enough, that I am deserving of good things, deserving of being treated well and with respect. I am far better than I was but I acknowledge that I still have a long way to go... and that's good enough!

3. My favourite colour is Aurora Borealis (AKA "Iridescent"). It's actually a collection of colours; blues, greens, pinks, etc.

The surface of my bed-side table. Glitter under bartop resin. iPhone camera. Unedited.

4. I can't stand the word "toppings". Even saying it in my head makes me feel weird. This makes loving and ordering pizza rather difficult!

5. I have never eaten shrimp in any form. Does this make me strange(r)?

6. I am a big child. One of my life mottos is: I am forced to grow old; I refuse to grow up!

Card-carrying member. iPhone camera. Unedited.

7. We're moving! We're moving (further) away from London - eek! When I moved to London in 2004, I presumed that that was it. I fell in love. Love, I tell you!

I was first an "EastEnder" (but never on the soap). Then, in 2009, I moved "south of the river" gasp! And, again, became an EastEnder in 2012ish for a short while. Since then, I've lived for about 4 years in Essex, just beside London. London, for the past 13 years, has - at the very least - always remained in arm's reach! I'm not sure how I feel about being a 2-3 hour drive from my favourite city. The implications and my emotions surrounding it are, no exaggeration, bittersweet.

We're moving to a lovely part of the world called "Lincolnshire". It will be a significant change of lifestyle and will include the chance to develop hobbies, join clubs, exercise more.... All manner of things that the frantic pace of living "down south" doesn't seem to allow.

8. I love taking photographs. I have loved taking photos since I was a smaller child. We couldn't afford a decent camera so I spent my childhood working through a succession of cheap, crap cameras that used 110 film and did nothing to enhance my ability to take a photo. I even had a micro 110! How on earth one was supposed to get any kind of quality photos with one of those, I will never know!

In high school, I had wanted to take a photography class but it required having a 35mm camera with which to take the pictures. Again, the budget didn't allow this. I took it on the chin but was definitely envious of classmates who had access to a decent camera and felt an almost physical ache when I saw the photos they'd taken for the class.

When I was in my late 20s/early 30s, I was able to afford a decent and expensive (at the time) camera. I was super excited! Then, as life moved on, I never learned how to use it properly. It sat. I played with it a bit. I never really did anything with it other than use it in fully automatic mode, defeating the purpose of having that camera over a "point and shoot" version.

When we've moved, I plan on snapping more and joining a local camera club (there are at least three I can choose from!). I've recently bought some new lenses, some instruction books, and my desire to take good photographs is now even stronger than ever as I get one step closer and I'm super excited!

Random building in Southend-On-Sea. iPhone camera. Unedited. 19th August 2017

Potters, Hopton-On-Sea. iPhone camera. Unedited. August 2017

9. I love to sing! Like, seriously, love to sing. Thing 2, however, means that I am convinced I can't sing very well. People who are professional musicians/professors in music have told me that I can carry a tune and I still shy away from singing in front of anyone with whom I am not 100% comfortable around. I was in chorus all through grade school and junior high and a big part of me wishes I had carried on through high school... not because of who I could have been through singing; I have no aspirations... I just lament that I could have continued doing something I love instead of backing away because it wasn't cool.

When we move, however, there are three local choirs that I plan on investigating and, though it will be a genuine struggle to get the guts to do so, I plan on auditioning for at least one! I know! I'm just as surprised as you are, maybe even more so!

10. I am slowly writing a book about me. It will be a fictional adaptation based on my life leading up to age 40. Do you know enough about me to tell the difference between fact and fiction?

What are 10 things about you that I probably don't know?

Two distinct writing styles... Which do you use?

In my, so far very short, time as a writer, I have come across two distinct styles of writing.

(I'm sure there are others, but if they don't fall into these two categories, I don't know of them.)

One of the styles largely makes use of the writer's immediate imagination. There's little, if any, forethought, and the writer simply writes as the story appears in their mind.

I started writing my first story this way. It came to me suddenly, unbidden, ready and willing to be transcribed. I write that story as it is told to me by my protagonist and this seems to work for us. In between storytelling sessions, I take the time to investigate and understand the rules of his world and the nuances of the locations, the people, the climate, making careful notes throughout. And then it's back to chronicling his story.

The issue I find with this style of writing is that things are not always revealed in good time. I sometimes learn something new and have to go back and re-work what I have already transcribed as it changes context or wording ever so slightly.

Most significantly, there was a semi-major re-write of the second setting of the story when it occurred to me that it was too similar to the setting in a rather famous set of stories involving a young wizard. Thankfully, my protagonist seems to concur that the events could have happened in this other location!

Because of these issues, the 'simple chaos' of how I receive the story, I am facing many roadblocks when it comes to developing how it is told. I have approximately 40K words transcribed (and copious notes) but I've revised them a couple of times and I haven't finished the re-write of that setting issue yet so the story itself is sort of stagnating. It's a little sad, but I'm not entirely worried as it's a beautiful story (of course, in my own humble opinion!) and it will be told. Eventually.

But this 'struggle' does make me wonder... What would it be like to write with a plan. What would it be like to write knowing, not the details of the story, but the journey those details will need to take, ahead of time. What if I plotted it all out. What if I had a plan?

This is the second style of writing. Writing with a plan. Writing with an outline in mind (or on paper). Knowing the timeline of the story before the details are known... Is a very different style to the one mentioned above.

I think the second story I am writing will follow this. I hope, anyway. It's a much simpler story, in that I'm not creating any new worlds in which my protagonist exists. The rules are known, there are the same rules I follow in my life, and for that, I think that elements of writing this second story will be easier. I just don't know if this style will suit me. I don't know if it will suit the way I tend to hear stories.

Perhaps, the issue I am facing with my first story lies in that the world itself is what complicates matters, not my style of writing, so I may not find it any easier or better when writing my second story as the world is much easier to get to know. Only time will tell.

I think I will attempt to get some understanding of where the second story unfolds, though, before delving into the details, just to see if it helps or works differently for me.... Or, in fact, if it's even a style of writing that I can use!

So, how do you write? Are you a by-the-seat-of-your-pants-er or do you take a more structured approach?

Water water everywhere...

Water...

Wookie and I take two bank holiday breaks away each year. They began as traditions long before me, but I have embraced them as firmly as I have the man himself for I find them relaxing, grounding, renewing. 

One of the places we visit is on the west coast of Wales on the Gower Peninsula and the other is in the east of England along a stretch of coast that seems to be neither the English Channel nor the North Sea, but both at the same time. 

The ocean... One of my dearest and abiding loves.

Wookie proposed by the sea during our most recent trip to Wales. These two photos were taken just before and just after the event, respectfully...

This most recent bank holiday weekend was our annual family (Wookie's family) holiday and while this was only my second year, I looked forward to it for *months* and already can't wait for next year...

On our first full day there, the sea was gorgeous, peaceful... the weather was sunny, calm...

I actually made a mountain out of a molehill. I'm still surprised that Wookie was so surprised that I went to such lengths to get this photo. He's a weirdo.

On our last day, the sea was somewhat temperamental... Just as gorgeous, in my opinion.

I fully understand why adventurers and poets alike are drawn to her...

More water...

The other day, Wookie was presented with the Ice Bucket Challenge. He's just recently had back surgery and can't get his dressing wet, however, so after some careful planning, I took one for the team...

I took a photo of his face, enlarged it and printed it out to wear as a mask. Wookie did the voiceover work on the video and the nominating. (I was his "stunt double".)

Here are a couple of screenshots from the video...

I kind of freaked out immediately after this as I could tell the flimsy paper mask had come away and it felt like it was in pieces, a large part clinging to my fringe/bangs so I was frantically trying to remove it only to find out that it was merely the weight of my own, wet hair that was so heavy. Sigh.

Well, *that's* novel!...

Some of you may know... I've started writing a novel (of sorts) and I have approximately the first chapter so far. 

It's "Young Adult Fiction" (ugh. I don't like that genre name, it's so... vague) and my protagonist is a young boy named Ryles.

I've tried to work out his story and while I know basic plot plans and setting ideas, the little guy won't tell me any more than that and insists that the story come out chronologically, as I sit ready to listen.

There's no cooperation from the little guy during my attempts to plan ahead, to form an outline, to brainstorm. As much as I beg, plead, bargain, all I am told is to sit with my notebook and pen and it will come.

And it does. Every time.

How odd.

But yes, I'm writing it by hand. Old fashioned paper and ink, in fact(!) and I'm trying to figure out how/where/when/why to share it.

So far I have allowed specific people to read the hard copy I have printed for my own, editorial purposes and while the reviews have been very positive overall, there have been some issues with following the formatting (page flow) of how I have it printed.

Clearly I need to print it in a more... digestible format if I want others to be able to consume it because at this stage, I can't let it out of my proverbial sight. I cringe at the idea of emailing it to anyone lest it fall into the wrong hands become something I created but which is available for all and sundry to take/change/claim as their own. 

That would break my heart.

I thought about sharing the first bits here, perhaps, with a view to possibly self-publishing the work in the future and I know there is a way to format webpages in such a manner that copy/paste isn't possible... But I don't know how and am honestly presuming it's not something that this website would allow. I presume I would have to use my own domain for.

Perhaps I need to look into that, actually.